29th May, 2021. Halston and Liza.

In my head, All That Jazz is playing on a loop. I think it’s because I watched Halston on Netflix and I’m slightly obsessed with the actress playing Liza Minelli. I had to look up Liza Minelli, just to make sure she was not dead. (I’m at the age when I can’t remember who isContinue reading “29th May, 2021. Halston and Liza.”

27th May, 2021. Women and Hair and Age and Lipstick. And Life.

A dear friend sends out a question on Facebook. Should she let herself go grey, or keep colouring her hair? Ah, I think, here is a glorious question, and one on which I have many, many thoughts. I am on the verge of writing her a long and winding answer when I think – no,Continue reading “27th May, 2021. Women and Hair and Age and Lipstick. And Life.”

28th April, 2021. All the Emotions.

One of the things I have been working on over the last two or three years is understanding and managing and exploring emotions. I started off having to do this in order to be an acceptable human for my red mare. It was a fairly basic equation: if you don’t get your own head straight,Continue reading “28th April, 2021. All the Emotions.”

26th April, 2021. Everything Changes.

A shock comes, out of a clear blue sky. It is a life-changing shock. It comes in a letter. I read the words and burst into noisy tears, as if I were a child. Everything, in an instant, is different. I feel my brain ceasing to function in any meaningful way. I feel confusion, andContinue reading “26th April, 2021. Everything Changes.”

21st April, 2021. All the Deaths.

I remember, early on in the pandemic, as the fatal numbers climbed, thinking of all the deaths. There were times when my own daily life was pretty much all right: I could get out in the open air, I could see my mares, I could do my work. But I could never become one ofContinue reading “21st April, 2021. All the Deaths.”

23rd March, 2021. A Sad Day.

One of my oldest and dearest friends sends a short message. His sister has died. His words break my heart. My heart breaks for his broken heart, for the broken hearts of all her beautiful family, for the broken hearts of all the people she touched in her life, which was not long enough. IContinue reading “23rd March, 2021. A Sad Day.”

17th February, 2021. Sunshine and Horses and Kindness.

There is sunshine and wind and the snow is melting. I go down to the horses and meet my posse. These two sisters and their mum are my bubble; they are the one household I am allowed to see. We meet outside every day and social distance like crazy things, but they are human andContinue reading “17th February, 2021. Sunshine and Horses and Kindness.”

16th February, 2021. Showing Up.

When I started the original lockdown diary, almost a year ago, I was going to write everything. I was going to write the world. I was going to write all the incredible humans and all the shocking events and all the doubts and hopes and fears. I would write it all.  Then, when I startedContinue reading “16th February, 2021. Showing Up.”

5th February, 2021. Sing Your Song.

A poet sends me a poem. It has a line in it which goes, ‘This is a song of sorrow’. That is her song and she is singing it. It is a song for a country which is lost, for somewhere far away, for memories and dreams, for long-dead family, for childhood tales, for somethingContinue reading “5th February, 2021. Sing Your Song.”